I Hate Grass!

I used to love grass! (Calm down. I'm talking lawns here. You know, Kentucky Blue.) A big green lawn around the house was a good thing. No more! I hate the very idea of a lawn. Here in the dry West, it takes obscene amounts of water to keep green, not to mention expensive fertilizers, weed killers, pest sprays, and valuable time. Too much time! Time better spent on the open road, in the wind.

Grass is great where it belongs; on golf courses, in public parks, in fact any place where I only have to look at it, not mow it. When my kids were small it was nice to have a big lawn for oour play. When I was a kid, I loved walking barefoot through the grass or just laying on my back watching the clouds. I still love those things, but I can find other places to do them. My kids are grown and, although I have beautiful grandkids who I love to have around, there's a nice city park I can take them too just a block or so away. Grass is where you find it.

What brought this rant on? Well you may have read earlier that the Road King is in the shop for a couple of days. My wife, bless her, has lots of yard work to do and I've been guilted into helping. Lawns are a waste of time. My better half loves flowers and gardening. So do I. I'll help her with flowers anytime she needs me. But that damn lawn just steals time and money better spent on two wheels.

My fantasy home, which I'll build with my lottery winnings, will havesome nice, low-maintenance landscaping, a great indoor/outdoor entertainment area for the enjoyment of friends and family, plenty of parking for bikes and cars, a horseshoe pit and a BFG (Big F-----g Garage); you know, with a bike lift, work area with tools, room for about twenty bikes and a couple of cages. The BFG will be adjacent to the entertainment area and will have a beer tap and snooker table close at hand. If anyone expresses a desire to see lawn green, I will direct them to the felt of the pool table.